We Build Then We Break

"I always have this fear that one day you're going to discover I'm not as great as you once thought I was."

     I always wonder why you travel 500km to come see me. I feel special but at the same time sad. It's not because of the age. I simply fear the day you make excuses as to why you can't visit anymore. I'm scared that what you see now won't be as awesome tomorrow. I'm afraid you'll look at me one day and decide I'm one of the biggest mistakes you've ever made. I'm scared you won't find interest in me anymore. I'll always have the same flaws, personality and laugh; you'll get bored of me. I fear I'm not as great as what initially caught your eye. I feel like I should try being someone else so I keep you intrigued. I fear you'll abandon me someday because, well, you can. I'm scared of not receiving any text messages. I hate waving goodbye to you because I fear it's the last time I'll ever see you again. I'm afraid that when you tell me sweet things it's because you feel bad. Or if you do mean those sweet things, I'm scared you'll realize how false they are. I'm afraid you'll find someone who deserves them more than me. I despise the beautiful women that walk by me because I think maybe they'd be better for you. I feel like I'm not good enough. I fear you'll begin to avoid me. I get nervous at the thought of failing to keep up with the compliments you give me. If my hair's nice one day, what if it isn't as great the next? I'm scared of what's going on in your head. I'm nervous at the thought of what really lies beyond your facial expressions. I worry that I don't mean as much to you as you mean to me. I fear you giving up. I'm scared that if I do mean a lot to you, you won't fight for me. I'm afraid you'll run away from me. I fear the future. I wonder if you see me in yours. I wonder if you'd smile at that thought or frown.
     I had an amazing three days in a row with you, don't get me wrong. I usually don't even question your love for me; I know it's genuine. But then my mind takes complete control and I accumulate thoughts. I become worried and afraid and destructive. I just feel this way sometimes. You'll realize sooner or later that the quote is accurate and I'm actually not as great as you once thought I was. Relationships come and go and the reason for a break-up is usually just that. I hope that's not how our story ends.