Monster

I hate my dad. Just writing that sentence makes me tense. Hate is a strong word but I don't feel bad in using it because then I think of the millions of reasons why.

1) He's stupid.
He has no common sense. He doesn't know anything. He has no education. Sometimes I think he has a disorder. He has the mental capacity of a high school student, or better yet, elementary. He can't make decisions for himself or fucking choose a decent movie at Blockbuster. He still has trouble picking out clothing. He still thinks I have no idea that he smokes. The most obvious things are not obvious to him. Things people should naturally know, he doesn't know. Mistakes that have happened more than once, he still makes.

2) He has the worst memory.
He is so absolutely forgetful. If you tell him what you'd like at Tim Hortons, he'll ask you again three seconds later when reaching the drive-thru. If you ask him to get a certain something at the grocery store, he'll forget because he's used to getting the same foods week after week. We don't tell him to get the same foods; he does it all on his own. I've told him numerous times to stop buying Oreo cookies since we have 5 packs in the pantry and nobody eats them, but he does anyway. He can't process information. He's slow.

3) He's a savage.
My dad resembles an animal. It's in the way he eats, drinks, speaks, breathes... He takes food from his children. If he's hungry, he's hungry and nobody is stopping him. He eats like he's never seen food before. He's the type of person who sips soup loudly and eats a hamburger in three bites. He chews with his mouth open and chews while drinking too. He cuts people off when they're speaking and talks over them. He has no respect for others. He spits when he speaks and doesn't brush his teeth. His hands are always black because of work but he still doesn't even attempt to clean them. He doesn't wash his hands when finishing in the bathroom. I would know because I listen to hear if the water turns on and it never does. He's a creature. He has no manners. He's selfish and disgusting.

4) He's the biggest wop.
He has that Italian accent and that douche bag 'swag'. He slouches when he walks and his steps are heavy. He is always grammatically incorrect and I'm sure it's the Italian influence. He uses, "I says" when telling a story and it pisses the fuck out of me. He's loud and in your face when speaking. His hand gestures are definitely over-exaggerated when getting excited about a certain part in the story. He drives my neighbor into work everyday and uses Italian expressions when conversing. My dad acts like my neighbor understands but my neighbor is more English than a bundt cake. My dad doesn't get it and clearly neither does Bill. Poor Bill. I've always felt bad for you. It must suck to watch my dad tell stories with his hands in your face and not on the wheel.

5) He's a baby.
He acts like a five year old. He's flat out immature. He gets mad at my mother for buying stuff when he always spends money on the most pointless things. He bought a Montreal Canadians flag that lights up to put in the back window of the car. It isn't worth it's price but he adores it. Waste of fucking money. And of course, if we tell him this, he'll get offended. He buys all these stupid gadgets that are useless. He once bought a new refrigerator that we didn't even need just because he wanted it and thought it looked nice. We use it today and curse it every time we open it. If I'm watching a show I'd like to watch, he becomes a child and whines that he can't watch his own show. Hockey isn't the only importance in life. Understand that, you asshole.

6) He's repetitive.
He repeats the same things again and again and again and again. "We have to go to Nonna's." Heard at 9am, 9:10am, 10am, 10:15am, and you can predict the rest. If you tell me something at one time, I don't need to be re-told. I fucking heard you. I'm not you. I'm capable of understanding and following instructions. My mom even tells him he's repetitive. The thing that's most annoying is that he doesn't realize. He thinks he's telling me for the first time. So the second time, he'd say, "Steph, we're going to Nonna's tonight, eh? Don't make plans." What the fuck. So odd. How can you not be conscious of the things you tell a person? Especially when it's more than once?

7) He's a copy-cat.
Everything my mother says, he says. He has never given me orders that weren't influenced from my mom. He's like her follower. It angers me. He can't be himself. The only reason he copies her is because he wants to stay on her good side. If I'm being scolded by my mother, he'd chime in saying "Yeah, she's right." Or if my mom said "you're not going anywhere," an hour later my dad would come tell me "you're not going anywhere" as if to feel superior or something. Yeah, nice try. I never take my dad seriously and never go to him for an answer. He always directs me to my mother anyway.

8) He's a push-over.
My brother is his prized possession. I think maybe because he's young and my brother has yet to hate him like my mother and I do. My brother is the only one that gives him loving so naturally, my dad is closer with him than us. I see it as his last chance at acceptance. When my brother asks for something, he gets it. My brother's a spoiled rotten child and it's because my dad gives him everything and anything. When my dad refuses to buy him something, my brother acts like he doesn't love my dad anymore so this causes my dad to feel guilty and gets suckered into buying more. I never ask my parents to buy me anything. My dad probably wouldn't and my mother's a different story. If it's for my brother though, we have to completely stop the whole world for him. The excuse is always: "Let him have it." It bothers me to see my brother take advantage of him. It bothers me even more to see my dad enjoying it. He figures in return for the expenses, he'll get my brother's affection. Just so fucked up. Man up.

9) He's needy.
He craves everyone's attention. It's sad and I do feel bad sometimes. He's deprived of love. I used to love my dad so much until I got older and changed my mind. He strives to get me to love him. He buys my favorite fruit and points it out to me. He tries to make me laugh in order feel good about himself, in order to feel like he's a good father. I wish he didn't. It's pathetic. I survive with a bitchy mother and asshole of a father. I go on. Life goes on. It's baby-ish really. If I don't want to be in your life, you should move on; you should accept it. The fact that he's practically on his knees is weak of him. If he was smart enough, he'd avoid me like I avoid him. That would get my attention.

10) He's a nervous wreck.
This is one of his worst qualities. He is always nervous. He never stops moving. If sitting, he's shaking his leg. In traffic, he's tapping his finger repeatedly. He gets nervous when the phone rings and nobody answers. We don't answer because it's either publicity or my annoying uncle, but he freaks out nonetheless. If he has to go to his mother's for dinner at 5pm, he'll keep reminding me or he'll push my brother to get dressed at 9 in the morning. If we're late to a party by half an hour, it's officially the end of the world. He's anxious. He's fidgety. He's always on the go. He doesn't know what the word how to relax.

11) He has no patience.
This ties into being a nervous wreck. Since he can't stay still ever, he can never be calm. Waiting five minutes feels like an hour to him. He needs his food first. He needs his TV first. If he's picking me up somewhere and I'm not there at the exact second he asked, he gets pissed. He has no patience with anything really. Now that I think of it, he can't even endure a conversation. He never waits for someone to finish their thought. I also know that at work, he has trouble getting along with his colleagues. He "can't handle anybody in that place" apparently. I don't think he can handle anybody in any place. He's always on pins and needles; always edgy, always anxious.

12) He has anger issues.
This mostly derives from being impatient. This is also one of the worst qualities he possesses. His anger problem is bad. If you really piss him off, he'll look like he's about to eat you. I think his anger takes control of his mind and he can't help himself because just watching him, I feel like he can't stop from going crazy. He swears repeatedly when he's mad and loudly. It's scary almost.
Traffic is what really sets him on fire. If someone cuts him off after he's been waiting in line for half an hour, my dad will lose it. I've seen it so many times. He yells out the window, gives the finger and then when the situation is over, after five minutes, he's still whispering things. He's still mumbling "asshole" or "fucking idiot". And it goes on and on and on. I can't even get through to him. Telling him to calm the fuck down, does not work... Clearly. It makes him even more angered.
It's never safe to be around my dad when he's fuming mad. When he's really and I mean really mad at Andrew, I worry. My brother may deserve it but I know how aggressive my father is. My dad can hit hard if he wants to.
My dad also uses a certain defense mechanism known as "Displacement". He takes his anger and his unwanted feelings and impulses towards someone, out on someone else. If my mother gets mad at him, my dad always takes it out on us kids. It's my fault he's an idiot all of a sudden. Whenever he upsets my mom, he's mad at himself. Always. My mom would divorce his ass any day and he worries she will. This is why when she's mad at him, he's mad at us. It isn't right. Leave us the fuck alone.

Nothing can fully and utterly describe the burning hatred that flows through my veins. Reading this will only give you a certain point of view. I wish you could live a day in my shoes. Only then will you understand exactly what I deal with all 365 days of the year...