It sucks when you don't see your friends in the hallways anymore. I'm a mixture of jealous and lonely. We've always told each other that we will not be like those people who lose contact due to difference of location... We now eat our own words. I haven't seen my friends since summer. I haven't heard their voices since then either. The casual text is something, but it's terribly impersonal. I feel like they're strangers. I feel like I don't know anything about them anymore. I usually know the 411; I'm usually the person that's told everything. I don't know if Amanda's having difficulty in math or if Claire's crushing on one of the Indie kids. It bothers me. I used to know every single thing and now, nothing. I don't know what bag they use everyday or what food they bring for lunch. These may sound like silly details, but it's killing me to simply not know. I'm someone that usually suggests which bag to wear and what food to eat.
It makes me sad to think all my good friends hang around each other and I'm completely isolated from them. It hurts to realize I have very few friends here, ones that would never amount to how special they are. It's something to get used to, definitely, and I'm sure I'll survive. It just lowers my spirit to realize I can't eat lunch with my girls or laugh about nonsense to fill certain breaks on my schedule. I miss our amazing relationship and how I could act like a complete idiot and it'd seem normal. I now feel like everyone I encounter is somehow judging me, in the same way as I'm judging them. It's sad to think of it that way, but it's reality.
Despite what's been going on (or what hasn't really been going on), I know that real friends don't just give up and mine are not those type of people.
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