My mother... Is... A psycho. I'm convinced she has some chemical imbalance in her brain. She is fucked up. She angers me so much that I just need to start an argument with her. I hate when people get away with things, it's something I feel I need to stop. This is one of the worst arguments we've had. She's got my dad watching HER father in the hospital while she's at home. How does that make any fucking sense? As if she would do the same for my dad's father. That's a fucking joke. Honestly, as much as I've said I hate my father, I feel bad for him and for the level of respect he gets in the house. He's pretty much her slave. He sleeps on the couch. The poor guy tries his hardest to survive in this household and does the best he can but is never appreciated. Especially by my mother. And now this? No way. I can't stand this. I HAD to argue with her. This is fucking ridiculous.
So there I am, beginning to argue with her over this topic. And then I explode. Everything that I hate about this bitch comes pouring out of me. How she mistreats my dad, how she hates, how she judges, how heartless she is, how conceited. I just burn and burn inside because I, at my age, am the only one to stand up to her. Not my dad, aunt, uncle, grandparents... Nobody. Just me. And everyone hates her. I even asked her while we were yelling at each other, "Who loves you? Who do you really think loves you?" And she answered, "Myself." Well, isn't that cute. She even admits her family hates her, her kids, her husband and her colleagues. Everyone. No WONDER. All she does is make judgement to everything that moves. She sucks the life out of everyone to make herself feel better.
My mother thinks she's always right. She thinks she provides for this family all by herself. She thinks she's the only one who works hard. All she does is feel sorry for herself. It's plain sad. She has no idea what the meaning of humble is and she's 40-something. She compliments herself about 10 times a day on what a beautiful mother 'we' have and how lucky 'we' are to be blessed with her face. Truly though, all she is is fake. She has extensions because she worries about the thickness of her hair. She's on Jenny Craig because she's fat as fuck. And she laughs at jokes that are not funny and compares herself to people while they speak to her. What a lovely women... Aren't I just so lucky to have her as my mother?
After all the pushing, the fighting, the comments I've made, you'd think she would cry or think to herself about what I've said. Yet, I've never seen her cry, I've never seen her feel bad. She's inhuman. She's so fully focused on herself and on the fact that she thinks she's always right that she has no remorse. Talking to her is pointless!! She doesn't get it. She doesn't know stuff that I know and I'm the young one. I'm the child who needs to be the parent. I'm the one who needs to be the bigger person and teach my brother the right way to treat people. I need to be the one to keep my brother afloat. She just doesn't understand the lessons she teaches us. Parents should sleep together. Judging is wrong. Loving is right. Comparing your children is wrong. I mean... Simple things are so complex in this household. It's messed up. My mother needs fucking help and I feel so alone in this house. I feel like the only sane person here.
When I was younger the words she said to me made me insecure. I always felt like I wasn't good enough or that I didn't amount to her. I was maybe jealous because she always made herself out to be the most beautiful woman and I guess I didn't know better. Now, I know I'm a million times more beautiful than that ugly human being I call my mother. She can keep trying to tear me down but I know that anyone is worth more than a person that selfish and ignorant. I'm stronger. I fight back now. I have a voice. Thankfully I know now to grow up to be everything but the person she is. I should be fine if I stick to that and if I keep fighting for what I think is right. She can actually suck my non-existent dick. She maybe brainwashed me as a kid and took away my confidence then, but there's no fucking way she's getting a hold of my soul. I'm keeping the kindness I have in my heart and she can try as hard as she can to change that. It'll never ever ever ever work. Bitch. I'm saving me.
